Tuesday, April 26, 2005

"Next" is the new "You're Fired"

I saw a delightful new show on MTV today called "Next". Basically it's dating show where the person looking for a date has 5 potential dates on this bus. The dates come out one at a time to interact with the dater. At any point in time the dater wants he/she can say "next" and they person has to go back to the bus and the next person is up. The dates get a dollar per mnute they stay on the date, so when the dater decided this is "the one!" the date decided whether they will continue the date or just walk away with the money they had earned so far. At this point in the show there's an awesome recap of the day, which I guess is suppose to be the person's thoughts.

I watched 3 episodes today and I was very impressed with this poor man's Keanu Reeves model-guy. His 3rd date was with this slut girl who had a boob job (don't they all?) and when asked what she liked to do on her spare time she said "showing off my two assests" and pulled off her top and he said "Next" on her! It was awesome!

I'm totally NOT "Nexting" next.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Don't let the bed bugs bite.....

It's official the boys floor at work is infested so we need to fumagate it. The boys have been moved to the girl's floor and the girls to a conference room. Then I come in today and i guess they fummigated the dayroom (our offices are right off the dayroom) so that area is closed off, I don't know for how long, but how am I suppose to do my work if I have no files and no office to do it in? But I take comfort that the Today show did a report on bed bugs on Friday so at least our pests are the hot things this spring.
In other work related news I am going to start teaching a class once a week on Tolerance and Diversity. I'm going to cover sex/gender, race, religion and sexual identity among other things. It should lead to interesting discussions between my feminist, liberal self and ghetto youth. I feel like Michelle Pfiefer in the incredible movie Dangerous Minds.
And last but not least I got into Fordham. I'm very nervous about a) going back to school and trying to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool and b) balancing work and school. But to quote myself upon seeing my acceptance letter, "I have a future".
Oh one weird thing: Some random person called work today to say they just had sex for the first time and they've been having weird discharge, what should they do? I wanted to say, well for starters don't seek information at homeless shelters, but instead I referred her to Planned Parenthood.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

New law idea

I propose that horror movie trailers should not be shown after 9pm.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

The hot list

Since bloggers are apparently the first people to know everything I'm going to share the new hot things in Spring 2005 (and beyond)
Food: Tea tablets. I read an article about it on yahoo that they made these tablets in I believe Russia that tasted like a cup of tea. They only had regular tea right now , but were working on a bunch of flavors. I love tea, but this is stupid, 50% of drinking any hot beverage is the experience of sitting there with a mug in your hand sipping said drink. Why don't they make something useful like vegatable tablets so you could eat a whole days worth of veggies in one swallow.
TV: The 80s' are official back! Current Affair is back on tv on UPN. I remember the typewriter sound effects and music from the show, but what I didn't remember was that each show is about a murder or rape case. I thought it was a show like Entertainment Tonight, only with less rhyming .
Movies: The movie Ray has been released on a special DVD for the blind. This is not the first movie for the blind to be made, but you can understand why they choose it. Apparently, in between the dialog there is a narrotor that explains the characters expression, the scenary etc.
An imagined example: Ray Charles is sitting at the piano and has just stopped playing. He is smiling, but looks all coked out and is mumbling to himself. One producer raises his eyebrow at the other as they exchange glances. The first producer walks away as the other looks contemplative and worried.
I don't understand how a person blind from birth would be able to picture these things in their mind. Plus I think the narrator would get annoying, but maybe that's just me with my 20/20 vision.
Dance: One of my more crazier clients informed me the hot new dance is to go toe-heel-toe while alterating feet at a rapid pace.
Fashion: He also told me that by 2010 rosaries will be the hot new fashion. Maybe they'll be a whole clerical fashion trend with cassocks and habits. I can just see it on the red carpet...
"Halle, who are you wearing?" "
"You look amazing, you're totally rocking the sorrowful mysteries!"
Theater: There's apparently a new Broadway play called "Spelling Bee". Now I was a big fan of the documentary Spellbound, but this seems like the stupidest idea for a musical ever. Literally the songs are to the effect of:
"Spell the word territorial"
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
"A dog pees on trees because they are territorial"
I hope the Pictionary musical comes out soon...
"A ball with a cross on it can only mean one thing..."
Music: A man that was given inspiration from the nature sounds CDs is releasing a recording of "Sounds from Crawford, Texas". Included is the sound of catfish frying and fans cheering on the local highschool football team. Some of the missing tracks include: the sound of G. W. Bush doing a line of coke off of Laura's ass, a remix of G.W. Bush using the word "faggot" over 50 times and a bunch of soundclips from Fox News.
I smell a graduation present for a certain someone.
At work the overnight staff is responsible for keeping a night log to record in every hour. Mostly it's "all is quiet". So my co-worker did not realize that the clocks have moved forward so when I told her she wrote: "7:00am-time has moved forward. "